May 2005

MAY 2005

***************************************

05/02/05
Are ya' freakin' KIDDING me???????


Yes, that's right folks. It's May 2, 2005. And it's snowing. What the hell.

Anyways, so I am having many many thoughts about this whole baby thing. Not that I will have any problem loving my child. My concerns are whether I will be a good mother (lets face it, I didn't have the best examples growing up) and of course whether I will be able to afford a baby (sometimes I have a hard time feeding myself, much less a baby). I don't have a big enough house, I don't have the slightest idea when I will be able to afford to move. I don't have anything like a crib, carseat, etc. I know that I have plenty of time to think about that, but those are big purchases, and I don't know how I will save up for it. I know, I know, I should have thought about this way before now. But, I didn't, so now I am freaking out. I guess I have finally allowed myself to accept this baby. To admit that it's real. So I suppose what everyone else felt when they first found out about their pregnancy, I am just now feeling. Delayed reaction, really.

***************************************

05/09/05
And now Jennifer Garner...

is pregnant with Ben Affleck's baby. Apparently due sometime in November, although I don't know the exact due date. Gotta love pregnant celebrities. Check out the story, courtesy of Aty (thanks!)
Probably this is mean, but I hope she gets huge.

ANYWAYS.....I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow. I am thinking about asking him if I can go in for more frequent appointments, just because I am constantly thinking 'am I still pregnant??' and 'is my baby still alive?' I think that once I can feel him/her move I will be more reassured, but as of now, I am constantly worried about it.

***************************************

05/23/05
Hi Mommy & Daddy! Next stop...fingers!!!
Here are a couple of pictures from my last sonogram, done at 16 weeks!

My baby is waving at me!! Looks like he/she has arms & hands...but no fingers quite yet!!

I have another Doctor's appointment tomorrow. I am going to ask him when I will be able to find out the sex.

A few more names Javier & I agreed on:
Alyssa Odalys Escobar for a girl, Odalys after my mother-in-law, and Derek Houston Escobar for a boy, Houston after my Papaw. We both also liked the name Clarice, but Clarice Odalys Escobar doesn't sound good.

***************************************

05/24/05
Wonderful news...
So today, after a good long cry, I went to my doctor's appointment. Today was a big appointment, because with my last pregnancy I was put on blood pressure medications at 17 weeks, so I was expecting to be put on meds today, but hoping that I wouldn't need them yet. Every week that I don't have to be on bp meds is a blessing, trust me. So after giving a urine test, I got weighed (I gained 2.5 pounds in a week, but it's still .5 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight), and my bp was taken....drum roll please....... 123/75!!! Whoo-hooo!!! I was so relieved. So then the doctor came to see me, & laid me down to listen to the baby's heartbeat, and as soon as I laid down the baby started moving. I am just barely able to feel it now, and not all the time, just at certain times during the day. But my baby was playing shy...it was sweet. Heartbeat is strong, though, at 160 bpm. Doctor said everything is going really well...I can't eat lemons with salt anymore, though, which has been my craving of the week, he said I need to watch the salt intake...I get to find out the sex of my baby at either 20 or 23 weeks, whenever the schedule my next sono...dr says caffeine does not raise the blood pressure, just to make sure that I drink lots of water also to keep hydrated...Oh and I got tested for cystic fibrosis and down syndrome today, apparently the test has a high false-positive rate but dr said I should have it done & I trust him so I did. Apparently if I am a carrier for any of these illnesses, Javier will have to be tested, but I am not worried about that right now.
So, ANYWAYS....things are going great for me...don't have to go back to the dr for two weeks!

***************************************

05/26/06
"A Baby's Hug"
We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat
Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and talking.
Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, "Hi."
He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His eyes were
crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he
wriggled and giggled with merriment. I looked around and saw the source
of his merriment.

It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his
toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was
uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his
nose was so varicose it looked like a road map.

We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled.
His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists. "Hi there, baby; Hi
there, big boy. I see ya, buster," the man said to Erik.

My husband and I exchanged looks, "What do we do?"
Erik continued to laugh and answer, "Hi"

Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then
at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my
beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting
from across the room, "Do ya patty cake? Do you know
peek-a-boo?

Hey, look, he knows peek-a-boo." Nobody thought the old man was
cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were embarrassed.
We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was
running through his repertoire for the admiring skidrow bum, who in
turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.

We finally got through the meal and headed for the door.
My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet
him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me
and the door.

"Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,"
I prayed. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying
to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be breathing.

As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's
"pick-me-up" position. Before I could stop him,
Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man's. Suddenly a very old
smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love and kinship.
Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head
upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath
his lashes. His aged hands full o f grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my
baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so
deeply for so short a time. I stood awestruck.

The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes
opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding
voice, "You take care of this baby." Somehow I managed, "I will,"
from a throat that contained a stone. He pried Erik from his chest,
lovingly and longingly, as though he were in pain I received my baby,
and the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift." I
said nothing more than a muttered thanks.

With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why
I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying,
"My God, my God, forgive me." I had just witnessed Christ's love
shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no
judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of
clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was
God asking, "Are you willing to share your son for a moment?" when He
shared His for all eternity.

The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, "To enter the
Kingdom of God, we must become as little children."