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06/02/05
Positive AFP Test
Nurse called me this morning and told me that I have a 1/104 chance of having a down syndrome baby. I can never understand why it is that people that don't even want their babies have healthy babies but for some reason I can't have a normal pregnancy, even though I want to be a mother more than anything else in the world.
Javier says that if the baby has Down Syndrome I should get an abortion.
I don't get to see the genetic counselor until June 13th at 10am.
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06/11/05
Names
Okay...I find out on Monday what I am having, but here is a preliminary list of possible names:
GIRLS
Alana Odalys Escobar
Anabel Odalys Escobar
Courtlyn Odalys Escobar
Kaila Odalys Escobar
Kimberly Odalys Escobar
Laci Odalys Escobar
Mari Odalys Escobar
Rebecca Odalys Escobar
Reina Odalys Escobar
Whitney Odalys Escobar
BOYS
Bo Houston Escobar
Christopher Beau Escobar
Christopher Blane Escobar
Cody Houston Escobar
Derek Houston Escobar
Houston Brant Escobar
Micah Houston Escobar
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06/13/05
Warning - this is very very hormonal & bitchy!
OK....here's the truth, good, bad, and ugly, I'm gonna tell you how it is.
As you know, my AFP test came back positive, I had to get the level II sonogram done today. Dr says that he doesn't see anything that would be a definite marker for Down's Syndrome...but it is up to me if I want an amnio or not. I was about to get an amnio done when they rescheduled it, something to do with not having the proper size needle or something like that...and so I don't even get to go back for 10 days...then it takes two weeks to get the test results back after that.
Well, the truth of the matter is, I don't WANT an amnio. I really don't give a crap if my baby has downs. But, as you also know, my husband wants to abort if it is....and to tell you the truth, by the time I get the results, I think it will be too late to have an abortion anyways, but I told him today:
"Here's a news flash for ya', buddy...I'm not getting an abortion. I don't care if you decide that you don't want to have a special needs child or not. I don't care if you decide to leave me over it. I'm not going to kill my baby just because he's not perfect. I will love him no matter what. "
I know what everyone would say, because it would be the same thing that I would say if I read this post...."you don't need him" "don't have an amnio if you don't want one" "what kind of jerk would try to talk you into abortion when you are against it?"
Well...all that is fine and dandy, but easier said than done. I love my husband, and I don't want to have this argument, but here it is. It's in front of me. And what if my husband DOES make me choose? What if he says "Either have an abortion or I will leave you?" This is my marriage, you know? I know that my children should always come first....but this really sucks....
By the way, I know I sound like a baby...you'll have to forgive me...hormones on top of everything else has really taken it's toll on me.
Anyways, more news....ultrasound tech says she's pretty sure I am having a boy. I was hoping for a girl...but if my baby is healthy, I really don't care.
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06/16/05
It's a BOY!!
Well, probably. Ultrasound tech said she was about 50% sure. Here are the latest ultrasound pictures, done at the Level II ultrasound at 19 weeks. The top one is the baby, looking at his back, the second one is his little tinker:
And here are some pictures of his face:
That's my boy! He's gonna be beautiful!
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06/21/05
June 21, 2005
19 weeks is a LONG ass time. I wish I could fall asleep right now & wake up on November 3rd. Even if the outcome is bad, at least I could find out & move on. As it stands, I have to keep waiting, and waiting, and waiting. And waiting.
But, I have 19 more weeks until my baby is DUE. And I pray everyday that he holds on in there, where he's safe, until then.
I had a regular doctor's appointment today & it did not go well at all. My blood pressure was elevated (155/99), and they advised me to cut my hours at work. I told her that I don't DO anything at work, except gossip & read my yahoo & check out pregnancyweekly.com and watch movies. Every once in a while I will get a call. Maybe 2-3/night. But shae said that it isn't the same as laying down at home. I will enjoy the time off, but I don't work because I like it, you know? I work because I have bills to pay. So, I can't afford to miss time from work, but I also can't afford to lose another baby, so what do you do, you know?
Good news, though, Javier has been super cool. Reminds me of why I love him ahaha. I told him today that I didn't think that he would be willing to take care of me the way I would need to be taken care of (meaning, cook ME dinner, bring ME water, etc, instead of the other way around) but he insisted that he will do what he needs to do in order to have a healthy baby. SO, we'll see what happens.
AND he told me today that I shouldn't have the amnio if I don't want it. Which is a HUGE relief. Because, as you know, I don't want them to take an 8 inch needle and stab my abdomen with it. Because that does not sound like a good time, believe it or not.
For right now I am trying not to worry about it too much. Just trying to relax & take it day by day. Wish me luck.
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06/28/05
Blood tests & Tarzan
Let's see...what's new in my life?
Well, today I had to go get blood drawn (their testing me for Lupas again, last time they said they didn't have enough blood or something ridiculous like that). The tech stuck me FOUR freaking times before they were finally able to get blood out of my HAND. What the hell. Twice in my right arm, once in my left arm, and then my HAND. I didn't even know they could get it out of my hand. Oh well, at least that's over with.
This weekend my poor nephew thought he was Tarzan. He was STANDING on a limb that goes directly behind the basketball hoop at my grandmother's house (just to give you an idea of how high that branch was), and he decided he was going to jump to another branch, and catch himself with his hands. Well, it worked, for a brief second, and he caught the other branch & swung forward. But when he swung backwards again he lost his grip & fell. Onto concrete. Poor thing looks like hell. He broke both of the bones in his left forearm, busted his lip wide open, broke his nose, and gave himself a concussion. They had to take him to the hospital by ambulance. But you know, even with stitches in his lip, two black eyes, broken nose, and huge scrape on his forehead, he is still beautiful. Funny how partial I can be. (I'm his aunt, I'm allowed.)
So this weekend kind of sucked, but not as much for me as for my poor sister who had to watch her son get taken away in an ambulance, which has to be every mother's worst nightmare.
"A Different Child"
poem by Pandora MacMillian
People notice
There's a special glow around you.
You grow
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
In your mother and father's eyes.
And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There's a trace of tears,
One day
You'll understand.
You'll understand
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly
And may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on earth.
One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother's tears
Another father's silent grief
Then you, and you alone
Will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
"I know how you feel.
I'm only here
Because my mother tried again."
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06/30/05
Huge relief!
I went to my doctors this morning, and I had another ultrasound, which didn't tell me much except my baby is kicking me (it kind of tickles...I don't remember it tickling last time...sometimes I actually laugh out loud & get crazy looks!) ANYWAYS...then I saw the doctor, and he said several good things:
1. My 24 hour urine specimen came back completely normal...so at this time I do NOT have preeclampsia.
2. My blood pressure is lower than it was last week (133/95 compared to 155/99 from last week), apparently a result of cutting my hours at work & taking it easy this last week.
3. He reassured me that this pregnancy is looking ALOT better than last time, and he really sounded like he meant it, which made me feel good.
4. Just because they had to stick me FOUR times last week to get blood does NOT indicate a problem with my blood vessels (overactive imagination on my part)
5. The shooting pain in my back is probably just a pulled muscle, and not early labor (again, overactive imagination on my part)
AND......
6. If I can get to 32 weeks there is almost a 100% chance of my baby living....so 10 more weeks till I can relax. He said even at 28 weeks there is a pretty good chance.
So I am SO relieved. Seriously having a religious moment here. Thank God.
Here are my ultrasound pics:
The top picture is the baby, face down, with profile of head & spine.
Middle picture is just an outline ofhis head.
Bottom picture is his little butt & legs.
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